Harold Bishop has a posse

The Rae St Institute > Blog archive > So Bad they named it Twice


New York, motherfuckin' New York.
If fawning over New York is a text-book, well-worn tourist cliche, then give me a big fuckoff visor hat, a stupid hawaiian shirt, half a dozen cameras to hang around my neck and a sizeable beer gut, because I'm clearly a member of that particularly sick and venal sub-species of homo sapiens; one of the awe-struck, stumbling masses of homo viatoris - the Boring Wanker Tourist.


Yes, there really is steam pouring out
of the manholes, and every second car
really is a taxi.
Every corner I turned, I fell straight into a half-cocked grin, eyes glazed over. The city is a great hulking beast where every line emphasizes scale.. wide streets go on forever, canyons of brick, concrete, steel, and glass stretching to the horizon. Labyrinthine tunnels take you from one subway station to another, crossing blocks at a time on foot underground, and the subways themselves, straight lines, stretch off into the black, distant lights marking eight block intervals.

The locals can be distinguished from the tourists because they lose that glazed, fawning, sensory-overload expression and silly intoxicated grin after a few weeks, and start to take on aspects of the city instead - New Yorkers, like their city, are by and large ballsy, brash, fearless and unstoppable. The density of New York unlike so much of the US is probably behind a lot of this -- everyone is so close together and there's so little space, and so many people, that a lot of scruples held in other places are things that people suddenly just don't care about. The base, venal New York of Travis Bickle still lingers; one of the few internet cafes that I could find that I ended up using was almost entirely full of people publically looking up porn.. lots of porn. And this wasn't a seedy little backalley, but a ground floor glass fronted shop a block from the Empire State Building. So much is just suddenly out there (for lack of a better term). The traffic flows like a third world country; people walk straight out and it flows around them, or stops - or sometimes doesn't - and the constant movie soundtrack drone of car horns is another cliche (#1 being steam pouring out of manhole covers) based in fact.

New York in a thunderstorm is something really special. Even when it rains moderately it becomes a different beast entirely; the subways creak, fail, flood, catch fire. Utility workers appear from everywhere, diving into the ground, lit from below, frantically repairing things. Cars crash, sirens wail, and the whole place becomes a hive of borderline mayhem; like the innards of some colossal animal, rushing with adrenalin, trying to close wounds.

Breakfast, as a well-heeled traveller pointed out to me, is the cheapest and best meal in New York. Every block or two, somewhere will sell you eggs, bacon, sausages, potatoes, coffee and toast for $4. And like everywhere the quality varies, but funnily enough, the best I came across while I was there was from a decidedly odd and touristy place. Shamefully, on the morning of my second day in town, I ended up uptown, and came to an oddly familiar sight - the diner from Seinfeld. On the corner of 112th and Broadway, it's decidedly not the tourist hole I expected; breakfast is as cheap as everywhere else and better than anywhere else I tried, the place isn't filled with tacky rubbish, and looks nothing like the TV set. Very out of character for the USA, references to the show are scant and tasteful; it's just a diner that happened to be used a few thousand times in an establishing shot.


Tom's Restaurant
As I walked south back towards the hostel, way down on 20th St, I crossed 110th Street. Somewhere in the back of my head as I saw the sign and crossed, I started singing Across 110th Street to myself.. then I realised rather abruptly that it wasn't 1972, this wasn't a ghetto, and I wasn't Bobby Womack... let alone cool, and certainly not black. New York has a habit of doing that to you. Iconic things are absolutely everywhere, but then the city slaps you in the face and reminds you just how small you really are. My half-baked idea about eating a sandwich in Rupert Jee's Hello Deli also fell flat - he was closed every time I went there. (IS THERE A TWELVE STEP PROGRAM FOR PEOPLE WHO KEEP GOING TO LOOK AT TV STUFF I'M STARTING TO GET WORRIED ABOUT MYSELF)

Finally in New York I got to play the sophisto and do some gallery/museum trawling, and what a start. The Guggenheim may have been covered in scaffolding, and half closed when I first visited, but my god.. the beauty of its form; the unity and the clarity and the symmetry and the timelessness of the thing; the Elegance of it all. This is Architecture done as a big statement, and done right.
THIS IS ME GUSHING ABOUT SOMETHING. HOW EMBARASSING


New York Architecture is a mixed bag. 1940s/50s tenement buildings can look flaky, thoughtless and slipshod, but the bevy of Mies Van Der Rohe-esque plain rectangular International Style boxes work so much better in the flesh than in a photograph. A photo of a rectangular glass box doesn't really grab you; but to see it tower 200m above you is such a potent statement - an assertion of pure modernist, even Fordist thought. Simple, "cheap", repetitive and unimaginative, but awe-inspiring purely by virtue of its size.

Art Deco buildings retain their beauty long after the forms they took their cues from (early cars, trains) have slipped well into the past. A smattering of Postmodern buildings bring a strange air of twisted bricolage to the city -- postmodern art deco replicas like Worldwide Plaza (near Madison Square Garden) blend in so well as to go unnoticed (there are a lot of these in Chicago too, and even in Melbourne in the form of 333 Collins St), but later postmodern buildings scream their presence at you with a baroque excess of antennas, non-functional antenna forms, spires, giant TV screens and odd decorative surfaces.

And here, in the middle of all this madness, is something that looks like it was dropped from space. The Guggenheim is unique in a city of massive differences - which is a pretty mean feat by anyone's standards.

But enough about the outside of the things; Day 3 started off with a visit to PS1 in Queens (yet another place undergoing fit-out for summer exhibitions.. blah.) -- there were only two artists with any meaningful amount of work on display - Jessica Rankins, and John Lurie.

John Lurie.

Jesus.

Pollock's work is deranged without being intrusive. Lurie's work is disturbing and pointedly intrusive; dreamlike and deranged - too much so for a home or office. A Pollock is a viable, cosy commercial product. Lurie's work still has the power to shock. Vibrant, Irreverent, and WEIRD.
  • "I am a Bear. You are an Asshole. God is God." (text appears underneath, typed onto thin paper with a typewriter)
    A fuzzy, childish, dreamlike painting of an angry bear's face
  • "Jesus was in my garden once but he is not there today."
    A childish painting of someone tending their garden with a rake
  • "Audrey Hepburn as The Lone Ranger"
    A fuzzy painting of a cinema with a woman wearing a cowboy hat on the screen
  • "Three dentists think of the same squirrel"
    A strange schematic picture of three figures and a squirrel
  • "Turtle - Produit de Arabie"
    "Turtle - Product of Arabia"; a turtle in plastic extruded packaging as you'd find it on a supermarket shelf, with Arabic text
MoMA proper, afterwards, wasn't half as interesting or crazy as this, I'm sad to say. Maybe I was tired, maybe I had low blood sugar, maybe I needed a hug. Fuck, I don't know, but a thousand revered Dalis don't do anywhere near as much for me these days as one truly demented work. There was some phenomenal work there, particularly photography, but what stuck with me from the whole day was Lurie's stuff.

Heading back to the Hostel, a tall skinny redhead dances alone in front of the "Alex LoDico Ensemble" playing (sanctioned/requested by the MTA) at 34th Street station; hundreds of early commuters rush by in all directions, uninterested; blinkered, as New Yorkers become after a while. This city is constant sensory overload. Gospel Trios appear from nowhere on the train, car horns blast, Times Square blares hideous advertisments through a thousand gaudy sixty foot screens, taxis stop and go and stop and go and stop and go, Jets on approach to LaGuardia fly ominously low overhead.. and everyone who has lost their sense of wonder about the place keeps walking.

Back in the Hostel a hundred teenage Scots had appeared and disappeared with equal rapidity; in a town with all accommodation full for the start of summer they expected to be able to move to another hostel at a moment's notice with no trouble. I wonder how they liked New Jersey.. A constant stream of English people had spent about two hours complaining when I first checked in.. as time went on this traffic didn't abate. The Dutch, Aussies, and Germans downstairs drank. Constantly; as if the energy of the place demanded a certain kind of demented energy in partying there.

Hungover one afternoon, I find myself at Ground Zero.

Now I'm not here to make excuses for American Military Adventurism/Imperialism, which is at its greatest height for a long time, and doesn't really serve anyone's interests. But I feel like (as hollow as this may sound) I understand more now. To see the scale of this gaping hole in the ground, and imagine just how bloody tall these buildings were (the reconstructed WTC 7 is now finished, and approximately half the height of the old towers), I can grasp why the reaction was such a gut, vengeful, irrational response. Even Americans have suggested to me while travelling here that a better response would have been to ask Why Exactly people hate the United States so much rather than just blurting out the thin and sick "They Hate Our Freedoms" tripe... and yet I can understand why this would have been an unnatural reaction; devoid of emotion. Absolutely rational and much easier to justify, but the scale of the symbolic and physical destruction would have been nearly impossible to ignore on a basic emotional level.

The lack of people selling souvenirs at the site was welcome (though there were patrols and signs urging people not to pay panhandlers/buy anything, and to respect the solemnity of the place).. but when a Christian came up to me proselytising ("Are you a believer?") I was suddenly ropable.



On my last night in town I got dressed up somewhat and skulked out into the dark and the pouring rain for two reasons - firstly, to find a jazz bar/bistro that had been recommended to me, and secondly, to take photos of the city in the rain.

So there I find myself, standing right in the middle of the Brooklyn Bridge, holding an umbrella with one hand (in a thunderstorm, smart..), and my 1970s vintage Canonet QL17 rangefinder, taking photos of a tiny wind-up robot.

And there's that half-cocked grin again.

I'm soaking wet, overdressed, possibly about to get struck by lightning, and rather cold. But I don't care. Everyone else is huddled up, running to get out of the rain, but I'm striding confidently, carefree. It's late at night, pouring rain, and I'm twisted into a weird shape trying to take unlikely photos.

But I'm looking at Manhattan in a thunderstorm. And somehow that makes it all OK.

I feel like New York treated me as well as it could.. the end of my last night in town was spent in a little bistro in the East Village called Jules.. COMPLETELY french. I got to try out my rather rusty French on the Francophone staff and largely Francophone patrons, drank overpriced (but who cares) Stella and ate very opulent cold soup and warm pudding. A relaxed but cocky (and certainly not burnt out) looking trio played some VERY French Jazz as I gradually got tipsy.

The following afternoon at LaGuardia -- The airport is crowded and run down. The roof leaks here in Terminal D; there are trays on the floor from the X-ray conveyor with plastic bags in them to catch the rain.. the security is 'tight' but clearly under-resourced. While New York (like everywhere else in America) is dirty to some extent, this is my first experience approaching anything bad or frustrating in the place.. I'm about to fly down to Tampa for a decidedly unusual adventure, which I'm looking forward to, but my plane is delayed two hours. I could easily have pulled the English Tourist tone here, and started complaining.

But it doesn't matter. The half-cocked grin is still there. There's no way I'm leaving New York for the last time here.

2 Comments - [post a comment]

anonymous, Friday, June 23, 2006, 8:24 AM
NY NY it's a helluva town.

Don't know if you found this, but wehn I was there people would stare a lot and hold eye contact if they got it..for such a big city its weird that theres no fear of eye contact at all..... well thats what I thought
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