Harold Bishop has a posse

The Rae St Institute > Blog archive > A very imp[COURIER]sue

This is an open suggestion that anyone can take up. If it gets momentum though, I'm totally going to take 104% of the credit for it. If anyone gets in trouble, however, this post never existed. Not at all. Nope.

You see, here's the thing. People with "COURIER" stickers on their 4WD/obviously-not-commercial-van/people-mover/moped really piss me off - in a Jenny Ward kind of way, except I'm not a fuckhead, and I'm not advocating violence. The premise behind the rationale fueling my anger being that most/all of them are quite clearly not couriers - FOR THE RECORD, CARRYING TWO CHILDREN TO TENNIS IN YOUR SSANGYONG DOES NOT QUALIFY YOU FOR CLASSIFICATION AS A COMMERCIAL VEHICLE - and even if they were Couriers, no profession gives you a clean slate to be a dangerous irresponsible prat on the road.

Driving a RAV-4 with "Courier" on the side does not mean you're suddenly permitted to mount the footpath to get around traffic waiting at the lights (saw this earlier today).

Driving a people mover with a "courier" sticker does not mean you can double park in Elizabeth Street, then get out of your car and go shopping (saw this yesterday, and many many times when I used to work in the CBD).

The other part of the premise is that people who are actually real couriers are usually so bleedingly fuckingly obviously couriers (clipboards, silly company uniforms, vans full of processed meat) that they don't need a sticker.

But seeing as the "Courier" sticker apparently serves as some universal license for clean-slate no-rules utterly-irresponsible behaviour, (eg cutting people off, parking in fountains, running over judges, etc) I'm considering whether I could get away with the following things:
  • Sticking a "Courier" sticker to my head and proceeding to drag a jet engine, running at full power, into a sunday church service (in some appropriately Courier-Stickered-4WD loaded suburb)
  • Sticking a "Courier" sticker on a monkey and putting it at the controls of a speeding bus
  • Using a "Courier" sticker to conduct a full-scale takeover of Germany, by sticking one on a giant crane, and lifting the Bundestag out of the way, replacing it with a small prefabricated Information Kiosk / Generic Population Control Device
On a local scale, however, I'd like to see "Courier" stickers on obviously entirely inappropriate things (dumpsters, pianos, escaped manatees** etc), and said inappropriate things put in parking spaces or other spots where they clearly don't belong.

BUT IT'S OK, THEY'RE OBVIOUSLY MAKING A DELIVERY!

It's such a great idea^ that even Serge Gainsbourg is in on the game!*
"I wholeheartedly endorse this event and/or product."
Good for you, you glorious, dirty old troublemaker.

^ may not actually be a great idea

* posthumously%

** n.b. Damaging or otherwise interfering with Manatees is not endorsed by The Rae Street Institute. If you're going to fuck with anything like that, fuck with a Hippo. They're easier to explain in court. And will probably kill you.

% not really

7 Comments - [post a comment]

cfsmtb, Friday, September 2, 2005, 9:37 PM
Suggestions regarding direct action may get surprising results.

Have a gander a the CM-Sydney list re: moi's idea about paying Jenny From The Block a friendly, polite visit. We are awaiting a result and/or feedback soon.
Hi from Jenny Ward - anonymous, Sunday, September 18, 2005, 7:04 PM
Like to "pay me visit" eh? Well why not come on over you you morons. Unlike you, I have the courage to identify myself.

You should do something about your paranoia- I did not encourage people to commit violence on cyclists- I invited people to think about the effect their reckless cycling has on other people. Let's leave the drivers out of it- I asked a rhetorical question as to how vulnerable pedestrians were supposed to cope with the rising number of aggressive cyclists who think nothing of intimidating, abusing and actually hitting people on the footpath (all of which I have personally experienced), and asked the authorities to act, and enforce the law.

Have you any idea how bad things are in the inner city of Sydney with nasty, aggressive cyclists on the footpaths? Have you ever considered the plight of pedestrians? A big sweaty lout on a bike bearing down on you is just as scary to a pedestrian as a 4WD is to a cyclist.

Another thing that you might find surprising to know is that I am on YOUR side whenit comes to the provision of safe cycling facilities, and abhor the 'Toy Town' attitude of the RTA and councils with their unsafe second thought cycleways that are fragmented and have appalling entrances and exits that put cyclists in danger. But as an ex-commuter cyclist (1985-1991-until a back injury stopped me) I know the pitfalls and possibilities of riding, and SOME of your number are truly appalling bullies and ride in a totally irrational, intimidating and irresponsible manner.

Take King Street Newtown- inspite of a parallel cycleway installed at great expense a mere 100 metres away, scores of cyclists prefer to harass the pedestrians on the footpaths and weave in and out of the traffic to the constenation of the drivers (who really do not want to hurt or hit anyone), and since the installation, I have not seen one cyclist on it- yet when it was illegal to use Wilson Street (by riding against the one-way rule- it was full of cyclists) it was full of cyclists. Erskineville Road is a nightmare for pedestrians as cyclists think nothing of abusing them on the FOOTPATHS outside the shops (I've lost count of the confrontations I've had with these selfish morons at this site), and I am left wondering why the cyclists don't get together with the pedestrians and the large number of local residents and cardrivers who think that the 60kph is far too high. But no- the cyclists wouldn't think of that, prefering to whinge, intimidate pedestrians and obsess about how that horrible woman Jenny Ward is encouraging violence against them.

Hellooo 90% of the population hates your behavior and arrogance (I know, because they have told me) and you are going to end up being banned altogether if you keep it up.

Do you think that the withdrawal of funds for Macquarie Uni. cycleway was a mere coincidence? Its just the beginning.

You guys aren't popular, and have lost support because of your attitude and arrogance- and government looks for any way to cut costs. The motorway lobby is probably at the heart of it anyway but you would win if you had public support. (BTW-I was appalled when the funding was cut, and would gladly help with any moves to restore it.)

Can't you see how you undermine yourselves? By threatening to pay me a visit- how violent do you think that comes across? You appear to be self righteous hypocrites who think you are entitled to every inch of the public space, and the rest of the population can go to hell.

Earth to cyclists: I'm just the messenger- shooting me will do bugger all for your cause, and will even make me a martyr.

In any case, I don't really care, 'cos it'll just show you up for the gutless bullies you really are.

:) Jenny Ward still_stirring@yahoo.com
Dr Henrik Ziegler, Sunday, September 18, 2005, 7:18 PM
*looks around*

*listens to sound of birds chirping, distant harping of boring people*

*goes back to doing something interesting*

P.S. Jenny, any more diatribes like this will be deleted. This is another one of my pet cases of people trying to tell the world what's wrong with it instead demonstrating what's wrong with them. You've demonstrated the point that you're a very small human being and that's the end of it.
Dr Henrik Ziegler, Sunday, September 18, 2005, 7:28 PM
Oh, the exception to the above rule is if you can provide SOME ACTUAL EVIDENCE (ie attributed statistics etc) for your continued offensive, ignorant and out-of-touch approach.

It's telling you've responded here to someone in comments and not to the post where I actually take you up on the fact that you talk utter shit.
Hi from Jenny Ward - anonymous, Sunday, September 18, 2005, 7:54 PM
Ok Henry, won't bother to to try and aquaint you with reality anymore. Its obviously a total waste of time even trying to get you to feel some empathy for others. I look forward to your thugs paying me a visit- the Rottweiler needs a hobby and I don't mind a bit of a blue myself (only sneak attacks from behind are more your go aren't they?).
By the way, you can torch my car again, I'm fully insured this time, and would love to buy a nice big shiny 4WD with the cash.
Have a happy life hating everyone who doesn't fully agree with you, you miserable git.
Cheers Jenny :)
Dr Henrik Ziegler, Sunday, September 18, 2005, 8:15 PM
I'll let that spray speak for itself.

Your tendencies to threats of violence are a worry. Nobody else is threatening it.

You also still haven't provided any actual evidence (but I'll leave the comment up to serve as notice to media agencies etc of what kind of person you are).

Anyhoo, unlike you, evidently, I've got things to do.
The Therapist, Sunday, September 18, 2005, 11:42 PM
hey jenny, if you're going to get worried that people are trying to kill you make sure the'yre in the right city first.

paranoid delusions are bad enough.. long distance paranoid delusions?